Category Archives: #freedom

Rocketing Through The Gorges De l’Herault

Phew, I’m busy 😅. But, in a very good way. Until Montpellier, my days were filled with putting one foot in front of the other, doing my best to stay in the moment, spanning the distance, and writing. Which was fabulous in and of itself. Now, for just one month, I treasure the fact that I have a little home to relax and thrive in. My days are filled with learning Francais at school, doing homework, writing articles, meeting people, soaking in some culture, going on excursions, and watching the odd series before going to bed.

School is going well. I wish I could do more than one month to really get my French to almost fluent. But, I’ll need to be careful not to get too far into winter to not get into trouble once I reach the Pyrenees. So, just one month it will be and… damn… it’s already passing way too fast.

There is a beautiful cafe here called ‘Le Gazette’. An organic cafe, cozy, roomy, with live music as well as quiet corners to get some writing done. If I’d live here permanently, I would definitely be a regular! The food is delicious, too. Last night, I had the best Ceviche and the absolute best Creme Brulee of my life in there! What a fabulous end to a fabulous day.

In the afternoon, a small group of us aspiring French speakers had gone and taken the classroom to the river. Instead of practicing tenses, we practiced shouting French obscenities at the elements as we canoed and pretty much rocketed down the awesome Gorges de l’Herault. Breathtaking landscape and so much fun. I haven’t laughed this much in ages. Due to the hot summer the river was way too low and we kept getting stuck on rocks or the current was pushing us underneath low-hanging branches. I shared a canoe with my classmate Cedric, and we could both hardly breathe after a while, because we were laughing uncontrollably. Even today, my arm muscles are ok, but my stomach muscles still hurt from laughing so hard.

Forging My Own Trail

Looking at the horizon, this is the general direction I’m heading towards at the moment. Through the Rhone valley and then the Massif de la Chartreuse to Grenoble. By now, the trails have already led me away from water again. So I must be in the area of the Massif de la Chartreuse. Can’t wait for the next lake or river (the river Drome).

It’s been cloudy these last 2 days, off and on. And, this morning, I just managed to take shelter underneath a huge oak tree before a rain storm hit. But, overall, it is still hot enough so that a swim in a cold lake will feel like heaven…

The longer I walk, the more I think I won’t follow the exact E4 trail anymore. Well, sometimes I will, sometimes I won’t… As soon as I get close to the Mediterranean Sea (which will be in about 1-2 weeks), I will forge my own trail and rather navigate by instinct and by where I want to be… instead of following that one exact route. There are so many trails, after all…

Freedom and Independence

2002 hat and suit session 2

Freedom and independence have always been important to me.

These past few years, I’ve been increasingly reminded of their importance because – additionally to my own constant quest – someone close to my heart has been struggling with claiming her independence after having been imprisoned by religious and societal standards for most of her life.
I remember many conversations we had during which she felt I can’t possibly understand her massive need to manage her life entirely on her own. Her need to be in control of her own destiny without having to answer to other people or institutions. To understand herself and the world around her and conquer it by her own standards.

The thing is… I understand perfectly, because even though our background is different it is also incredibly similar. Instead of being limited by an institution, I was limited by my own body. I too, had been born into an existence which wasn’t mine.

It was dictated by the shape of my biological body, dictated by my – in the truest sense of the word – surroundings. On top of my body not matching my soul, societal standards which didn’t match my soul either, ruled my life.

And even though those around me meant well, I was never free until I realized: I am who I am, not who they think I am.

It took me until I was thirty to have enough life experience and courage to claim my freedom fully, step by step. To say “no” more often to things I had not dared say “no” to before. And to say “yes” to other things I had never before imagined were possible in my life. This picture was taken then, as I was still growing into my own skin. Ever more comfortable with my own existence. But it took another ten years until the age of forty for me to really understand myself, love myself, and rest within myself. That last part is still a work in progress… but getting better all the time.

Personal freedom. Independence. Integrity.
All so very important.

All of us are growing up with a layer of rules, societal standards, opinions, assumptions, and automatisms. Some of those are great. Others are not. We need to carefully, critically examine all of them. Always.

While growing into the adults we now are, I picture us as living in a coat shop and being surrounded by enthusiastic salesmen and saleswomen. All of them want to sell us what they think is the best coat. After a while we end up wearing dozens or even hundreds of coats. We’re wearing them on top of each other and doing our best to fit into all of them. Then, at some point, we realize, “Damn, this is heavy. I can’t move and I can barely stand up straight.”
We realize somewhere along the way, underneath all those coats, we’ve forgotten who we are. We want to stop and breathe, to find the coats which make us feel at home with ourselves. Which are ours. So, inevitably, we’ll start sorting through the ones which have been given to us. And, if we find the courage, we’ll take off the ones which don’t fit. The ones which make us feel restricted and uncomfortable.

Only then can we get back to the core of who we are… re-build ourselves.
With love compassion, and kindness, for ourselves and others.
With ethical considerations as well as our own well-being and happiness in mind.

It’s all about healthy boundaries, and taking care of our own souls, our own lives.

I understand.