Tag Archives: #oui

There Is Always A New Beginning

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And… lockdown continues… Yesterday’s election results in the US were an unexpected boost. I was so happy to see democracy in action. People voting and making their voices and needs heard. So now, hopefully, finally, one of the largest countries on Earth won’t be governed by a raving narcissist anymore. I am usually not voicing my opinions on politics much. And, honestly, I don’t want to give a monster like Trump any space in my head… because we created him. We gave him way too much space in our collective heads as well as in all the media, even though he doesn’t deserve a second of our attention.

On a personal level, lockdown is proving hard for me yet again. I have too much time on my own again. I am alone with too much pain again. And, as I try to process an accumulation of trauma, I need to stay alert so as not to be consumed by it. As I work through it all, I realize I have spent way too much time throughout my life smiling, taking care of others, being the strong one, and being ok, whilst inside of me turmoil was raging.
In order to overcome, I need to have the courage to be vulnerable. I need to allow myself to have needs, too. And there has to be the honest admission: Yes, I can function. Yes, I am strong enough to weather through it all. But, no, I’m not ok. I will be some day. But, right at this moment, I’m not ok.

However, I am also lucky and so thankful for all the kindnesses I’m experiencing. Like my dad, who always has my back. Like my therapist, who knows I currently have no money and who has offered to do weekly sessions with me for free. “You need this right now. I’m worried about you. And I trust you. You can pay me when you’re back on your feet again. And I know you will be soon.” Her faith in me as well as coming to my aid means more than I will ever be able to express in words. Then there are my friends who embrace me as I am, and let me know they’re happy to have me in their lives. There is my current employer and friend who trusts me and always lets me know she values my input. There is my teacher at Alliance Francaise who writes me a worried message to see how I’m doing when I don’t show up for Zoom class. There is the entire team at Alliance Francaise, who are so helpful and human. They do and care far more for their students than their job description requires. And then there are my “neighbors”, the pigeon couple. They fly back into a little alcove across from my balcony every evening to cuddle with each other and spend the night together. The sight of them loving each other so deeply and authentically always warms my heart.

In the meantime, I’m not idle either and try as best as possible to give myself a kick in the butt every day. I don’t always succeed. But mostly I do. I aim to give myself a healthy structure. Every day, I go out for that one hour we’re allowed to, and walk. I write articles for TheatreArtLife. I photograph. And I try to pamper myself a bit whenever I have the chance. When I just need to collapse on the bed and do nothing at all, I let myself do that, too. I study French intensively. Zoom lessons, mountains of homework, plus additional grammar books, Duolingo, novels, and graphic novels. Thankfully, I stocked up on books just before lockdown. I miss the weekly book flea market underneath the sycamore trees, in the Esplanade Charles de Gaulles in Montpellier. And can’t wait for it to reopen. There is something magical in the way the light reflects off the sycamore leaves onto the literature beneath. There is a reflective calm as well, as people browse through the knowledge of the ages, as they enjoy the cover designs and imagine the worlds waiting behind those covers.

One such world I brought with me into lockdown: “Le Petit Prince.” I’m enjoying it all over again in French, the third language I’m reading it in.
“C’est une folie de haïr toutes les roses parce que une épine vous a piqué, d’abandonner tous les rêves parce que l’un d’entre eux ne s’est pas réalisé, de renoncer à toutes les tentatives parce qu’on a échoué… C‘est une folie de condamner toutes les amitiés parce qu’une d’elles vous a trahi, de ne croire plus en l’amour juste parce qu’un d’entre eux a été infidèle, de jeter toutes les chances d’être heureux juste parce que quelque chose n’est pas allé dans la bonne direction. Il y aura toujours une autre occasion, un autre ami, un autre amour, une force nouvelle. Pour chaque fin il y a toujours un nouveau départ.” So very true.

Lockdown Walkabout

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Just one hour a day to go out is not enough. I try to make the most of it though and keep exploring the old part of town. There is still so much street art to discover. So many cozy corners, too. One place I visit every day is a square close to the big UNIQLO in Montpellier. On the square are four of these gnarly old giants. In the evening, just about the time I finish with my French Zoom classes, these trees are literally bursting with birds. You already hear them from hundreds of meters away. But when you stand just underneath those trees and close your eyes, the choir of birds fills your entire existence. Definitely one of the better open air concerts I’ve been to.

Other than that, there is really not much new. I am charmed by the Carrefour around the corner from where I live. It’s supposed to close at 6pm every night. Last night, I went there 5 min to six without realizing and was firmly reminded by a security guard inside that they’ll close in 5 min. But, many had come in late just like me, so the employees in the store just kept on working until the flow of customers ebbed somewhat. Today, when I walked past at quarter past 6pm they were again still open with long lines waiting. No one seemed to be really bothered by it and the police didn’t care either. That’s my kind of place ☺️

Speaking of police. They leisurely patrolled the streets on bicycles today, chatted with each other, did random checks of curfew papers, waved, and greeted “bon soir” as I walked past them. Another moment in time which made me smile. In the empty alleys, a guy played fetch with his Golden Retriever. I ended up crawling under the parked cars with both guy and dog to help them fish out the balls they had lost. Then, as I continued on my rounds, the sky darkened, and those beautiful old street lights turned on. They bathed everything in the warm, golden light I love so much here at night.

Now, “Les Exercises de Grammaire” are calling for me… I guess, I better answer those calls… 🧐

As For The Future…

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I’ve been sitting in this garden behind our school a lot during breaks these last few days, enjoying the last few rays of warm summer sun. Just in time, too. The skies are still blue, but temperatures have plummeted from 25 degress to 10 degrees this morning. Brrrr…

The last 2 days were also decision time, since yesterday was supposed to be my last day at the Alliance Francaise, and today was going to be the last day in my little rooftop sanctuary.

Hiking on or staying a bit longer was the tough question. Financially, hiking on would have been the much smarter decision. Plus, it might have gotten me to Portugal in time for Christmas.

I followed my gut, however, and prolonged my stay here… for 3 1/2 months!!!

Crazy, I know. But here it is. All-in-all, I’ll be studying French and enjoying Montpellier and its surroundings for 4 1/2 months. During that time, my aim is to get my French to at least nearly fluid. Spain and Portugal won’t run away in the meantime. And the new year can begin with exploring Europe further. Something positive to look forward to during not-so-positive times.

The 15th of January 2021 will be my last day of school here. If, until then, I still haven’t found a job, I’ll hike onwards along the coast of Southern Spain towards the Strait of Gibraltar and Portugal.

The Wonderweg surely is staying true to its name in more ways (or rather trails) than one. My mind is completely open. If I make it as far as the Straight of Gibraltar, I might just hop on a ferry and explore Morocco for a few days/weeks as well. Practice my French over there, too 😁… Or I’ll stay on the European side of the Mediterranean Sea…

Everything is uncertain… everything is open… scary and liberating both at the same time.

Which is fine… because… (in the words of the ever-inspiring Antoine De Saint Excupery)… ”As for the future, your task is not to foresee it, but to enable it.”

Beautiful Languedoc

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Carcassonne. On the photos it looks almost unreal, like a Playmobil castle. Yet when you walk towards its gates, it towers over you. An age-old behemoth, steeped in history. Once you get inside, it is even more humbling how vast the space (and bustling village) sheltered behind its ancient walls is. Apparently, it took almost 1’000 years to build the entire fortress. Imagine that…

It’s my second time visiting this historical gem. This time around, I also learned some fascinating things about the region. I had no idea, for example, that the Languedoc region has its own language: Occitan. All Occitan speakers use French as their official and cultural language, But Occitan dialects are still used for everyday purposes. And it’s an interesting dialect, curiously sounding very much as if it has both Spanish and French elements.

I also learned about the amazing culinary specialties of the Aude part of Languedoc, where Carcassonne is located…

There is Hypocras, a tasty aperitif which is made with wine, sugar, herbes, and honey. Deeeliciiious.

Le Cassoulet. Not a food in my opinion but a bomb of calories and energy!! It is a typical mountain region dish with the purpose of re-energizing hard-working outdoorsmen and women. Made of white beans, sausage, and other meats which are all cooked together for hours in a glazed terracotta casserole pot until they simply melt in your mouth… seemingly becoming more solid again on the way to your stomach… where they do re-energize you yet also sit like a stone. Fantastic!

Then, there are other things like duck thighs; crêpes with goat cheese, herbs, and honey; and a creme made from chestnuts.

Overall, this region (and France in general) is going to be my undoing. Everything (and I really mean everything) everywhere is so unbelievably delicious. And I am discovering more every day. Whenever I go into a restaurant, I want to order the entire food menu. Let’s not even start talking about wines. By the time I leave Montpellier, I’ll be a balloon. Good thing I’m walking.

Thankfully, after a huge home-made Cassoulet, exploring Carcassonne turned out to be a whole day of walking as well. I checked out all the cozy corners… climbed around on city walls and fortifications… whilst imagining the rich history of this place… the many feet who have tread on these cobblestones before me… the many people who have lived and died here. Just incredible.

Croque Monsieur And Tarte De Framboise

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Two of my favorites: Croque Monsieur and Tarte de Framboises. Wherever I am in the world, when I see either one, I need to taste it. This morning, I found both in the bakery. Aaaaaand… that was breakfast sorted.

Today is a day of anxiety. Moderate. But, yes, I do have those, too.

As I walked around my neighborhood, I was (as every day since I arrived in Montpellier) baffled by the number of homeless people. Why are there so many? While I felt helpless faced with the sheer number of outstretched hands, it also put things in perspective and showed me how lucky I still am. Yes, I am currently homeless, too (and soon I’ll be completely broke). But, I am still able to rent a roof over my head for a little while. I’m still standing, I’m still hiking, and I do still have and see abundant hope and opportunities.

Whilst shopping for the weekend, I looked around, and became so aware of all the masks again. It has become normal for me now to put on shoes and mask before leaving the house. How quickly has our world changed. I miss seeing people’s faces. I miss being able to read their facial expressions. I miss being able to shake their hands, to be able to fist-bump them. And, more than anything, I miss hugs and kisses. We seem to become ever more remote from each other… The other day, I had a drink and an awesome conversation with one of my classmates. When we said goodnight in front of the pub, he gave me a spontaneous hug. How wonderful that was! And how rare. How can something that used to be so normal now have become so rare?

My sense of loneliness is excacerbated by my language problems. By not being able to express what I feel in French. I understand so much when people talk. I understand even more when I read. But, getting sentences out is like looking for pearls in a mountain of oyster shells. Only every twentieth shell seems to produce a word. I need to get better at finding more of those pearls. I know, I know, it’s all just about going out, meeting people, overcoming the awkwardness, and talking anyways. No matter how horrible my grammar currently still is.

I am also wondering what I’m doing. Hiking across Southern Europe, going to French school now, continuing the hike after. Sometimes, I fail at staying in the moment. I fall out of it. All of a sudden I am overcome with worries about where it all might lead, if anywhere at all?

Then, I sit myself down (to a Croque Monsieur and a Tarte de Framboise for example). And I tell myself, “You can’t let yourself be overcome by these worries. Yes, everything is uncertain right now. Yes, you don’t know when you’ll find a job. Yes, your money might run out soon. Yes, you are in the middle of a pandemic (and a 6-month hike) without a health insurance. But, you are on the right track. You are proactive. You are taking steps. You are learning. You are alive. Just keep on going. One step at a time. Cross those bridges when you get there. Don’t try to cross them all at once now. They haven’t even been built yet. And it’s ok to have bad days. You’re entitled to those, too.”

Sipping my coffee, I feel a bit better (or at least determined to not give up) already…

No Rest For The Wicked

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The first week of school at the Alliance Francaise is already done. It was fun and tough. Frankly, I am far more exhausted now than if I had hiked all week. No rest for the wicked, though. This afternoon and tomorrow I’ll need to write several articles. Then, on Sunday, I’m planning to explore the countryside around Montpellier. After so many metaphorical steps nurturing the “wonder” side of my journey, it’ll be nice to “wander” again and see blue skies. A plus tard, bon week-end, et rester en sécurité mes amis x

Rocketing Through The Gorges De l’Herault

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Phew, I’m busy 😅. But, in a very good way. Until Montpellier, my days were filled with putting one foot in front of the other, doing my best to stay in the moment, spanning the distance, and writing. Which was fabulous in and of itself. Now, for just one month, I treasure the fact that I have a little home to relax and thrive in. My days are filled with learning Francais at school, doing homework, writing articles, meeting people, soaking in some culture, going on excursions, and watching the odd series before going to bed.

School is going well. I wish I could do more than one month to really get my French to almost fluent. But, I’ll need to be careful not to get too far into winter to not get into trouble once I reach the Pyrenees. So, just one month it will be and… damn… it’s already passing way too fast.

There is a beautiful cafe here called ‘Le Gazette’. An organic cafe, cozy, roomy, with live music as well as quiet corners to get some writing done. If I’d live here permanently, I would definitely be a regular! The food is delicious, too. Last night, I had the best Ceviche and the absolute best Creme Brulee of my life in there! What a fabulous end to a fabulous day.

In the afternoon, a small group of us aspiring French speakers had gone and taken the classroom to the river. Instead of practicing tenses, we practiced shouting French obscenities at the elements as we canoed and pretty much rocketed down the awesome Gorges de l’Herault. Breathtaking landscape and so much fun. I haven’t laughed this much in ages. Due to the hot summer the river was way too low and we kept getting stuck on rocks or the current was pushing us underneath low-hanging branches. I shared a canoe with my classmate Cedric, and we could both hardly breathe after a while, because we were laughing uncontrollably. Even today, my arm muscles are ok, but my stomach muscles still hurt from laughing so hard.