A multitude of life experiences have helped me grow into the man I am today. The world is my country. The bodies of water spread all over its surface are my true home – the one place where I feel complete in body and soul, not at odds with anything, serene, elegant, and handsome.
Looking out at the snowy and, admittedly, romantic winter scenery in Zurich, I find myself thinking of far away places. All my life I’ve dreamt of living abroad. I’ve dreamt of wide open spaces, of being closer to wild nature. Thankfully, I’ve been there in the past and hopefully will find chances to venture out again in the future.
I still remember staying in the heart of the Rocky Mountains and feeling vibrantly alive.
The air was crystal clear. Walking to work through the crunching snow in the morning, a hot latte in my gloved hands to keep them from freezing, a quick sip here and there, sweet waves of momentary heat, my steaming breath… I loved walking up that mountain, seeing deer on the way, literally tasting the wilderness all around me. So exciting. True quality of life.
Or that day when we kept the fire going, wrapped up snuggly in five layers of clothing, sipping cold beers with the surrounding, icy forest crackling, the nearby river gurgling away, Inuksuks along its banks, sparks igniting within and around us…
Then there was life in the Maldives. Daily immersion in the Indian Ocean. The seafloor invisible, a thousand meters below. Feeling unchartered territory at my fingertips. Removing my mask and taking my regulator out on purpose at thirty meters depth to taste and feel the amazing living entity that we call ocean and absorb a little bit more of its strength…
On May 28th this year, a dream came true: I published my memoir ‘Paralian’. It hasn’t been an easy journey. Far from it really.
But, I appreciate the intensity of the experience.
I haven’t sold thousands like I naively hoped to, either. Instead, I was reminded of why I began writing my story in the first place – for the love of writing and to share something important.
I’m cherishing the enthusiastic sparkle in my reader’s eyes. Even the youngest couldn’t put Paralian down once he began taking the book firmly into his tiny hands.
For me, 2017 will be another year of working hard, writing, and dreaming… I’ll take baby steps. So many dreams…
Thanks so much for your support during the last few years. Thanks for continuously being there and believing in me!
I wish us all a less dramatic 2017 – a year filled with good experiences, happiness, good health, hugs, abundant kindness, bright smiles, kisses, starry skies, and daring dreams. Much love xx
Merry Christmas to all of you out there. Wishing you many magical moments over the holidays and in the years to come! xxx
My intensity has always been my greatest strength. But it has also always been my greatest weakness. The line between passion and obsession is razor-thin…
Like recently, I finally woke up and realized I was making myself miserable by pushing way too hard to get my book out there.
I forgot to remember the most important part of this journey:
Writing Paralian had been a dream ever since I was a kid. I worked hard and made my dream come true. Writing this book was an awesome journey in and of itself. In the end, it really doesn’t matter how many people read it. It doesn’t have to become a bestseller. Many people I care deeply about have already read it – and even better – enjoyed it.
I gave it all I had. Now I’ll let nature take its course before I lose myself and become someone I am not.
I’ll keep on writing… at a slower pace. Stories about life, what it means to be human… tales that will make you laugh out loud and touch your heart when you read in the train, tears rolling down your cheeks, catching your breath, making everyone in the carriage wonder who the loony is who is riding into town with them. Or maybe you’ll never see my next books. And that’s ok, too.
I’m finding the joy in writing again. For myself. Then there is the joy of being myself. No labels. No constraints. Just the wide open sky and a whole planet – offering dreams, destinations, and a myriad of possibilities. Life is good. And art is not an emergency 🙂
Paralian won its first literary award today. “Best Debut Book” in the 2016 Rainbow Awards!
More info on the awards and all winning categories here: http://reviews-and-ramblings.dreamwidth.org/4932973.html
Big heartfelt thanks to the organisers and judges!
I’m stuck at home with a painful case of pink eye right now. Then snuck a peek at the glaringly bright screen of my laptop this morning against doctor’s orders… As you can imagine, seeing the unexpected winners’ rainbow brightened my day considerably 
🙂
Paralian is a heartwarming, inspirational tale for everyone out there wo has ever had to face seemingly insurmountable obstacles or is facing them now. It is an odyssey to remind ourselves of the beauty of our existence. No matter how hard it might get at times, everything is possible.
Good stories touch you so deeply, your heart rate accelerates. You feel enchanted, glimpsing the entire meaning of existence for the briefest of moments.
I’m addicted to finding those kind of tales. It can be anything from true life stories to fantasy. Be it immersing myself in 3D cinematic bliss, watching movies at home, binge-watching TV series, or devouring book after book.
I don’t want to be educated too bluntly, don’t want a narrow view of existence. Instead, I want to read about all kinds of backgrounds. I want to be surprised, taken on adventures. I want to broaden my mind and be able to identify with the main characters to such an extent, I disappear for a while, imagining myself in their shoes so thoroughly the “real” world fades away.
Lately, dabbling in writing stories myself, these are the kind of unforgettable journeys I want to take you on as well. I began by sharing my own odyssey in ‘Paralian’… now what to do next? I can’t imagine only writing about being trans. It would mean going right back into the prison I escaped from so many years ago. Wide, open horizons are what I crave, what I’ve always craved…
Annually, on the 20ieth of November we remember those who have been taken from us way too early, but, until we have reached a state of mutual respect and acceptance, every day is Transgender Day of Remembrance…
I was born in Germany in 1971, a little boy in a girl’s body… then transitioned almost twenty years ago, in 1993, in Switzerland. It’s not been easy. Fear, loneliness, depression, and despair were my constant companions, faithfully lurking just around the corner like a bunch of hungry zombies. Facing the challenge of being born in the wrong body was a matter of survival. Leaving things as they were was simply not an option. Today, I can say I am at peace with my circumstances. I like who I am, and am – mostly – at one with myself.
Considering all I’ve been through it comes as a shock to realize I am one of the lucky ones.
Annually, on November 20ieth, during the Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR), we memorialize those who have lost their lives to hate crimes.
When I first came across this long list I literally had to sit down and breathe slow and deeply for a while.
So many killed each year. .. stoned, beaten, bludgeoned, stabbed, and shot to death. And why? Simply because they were being themselves.
The Human Rights Campaign posted a story in April 2016 of a transgender girl and her (very supportive) family. The girl’s mom said, “Imagine spending your life pretending to be someone you aren’t, to try to live to make everyone else in your world happy rather than yourself.”
Yes. Imagine.
Those who kill our transgender peers can’t comprehend, can’t allow the possibility of diversity beyond the scope of what they know to be their reality. They are scared, feel threatened by what they can’t understand. Thus their reactions become as primeval as their fear – leading to senseless violence and death.
In many countries it still isn’t safe and can be fatal to come out openly as transgender. Also, in many countries a large percentage of trans individuals are still homeless and can only find employment in the sex trade. They are perceived as freaks of nature instead of being appreciated as the intriguing, strong, and brave individuals they truly are.
I’ve always been able to live life the way I wanted. I never took no for an answer and managed to live all over the world, working as a movie theater manager, designer, scuba diving instructor, hyperbaric chamber operator, show diver, performer coach, and production manager.
However, I too had to be careful. Depending on where I lived or traveled, I knew I couldn’t let my guard down… On a road trip through the “bible belt” in the United States I kept to myself and never went over the speed limit (– lest a trigger-happy cop decides to pull me over, searches me and discovers I’m not quite a regular guy). In Indonesia I never smoked a joint. What would I do if police strip-searched me in a dark alley, discovering I’m a guy but don’t have a penis? In Macau I took great care to not get caught drunk driving to avoid ending up in prison overnight (standard practice there). In fundamental religious regions I never went to a massage or sauna.
I am fully aware I have to be careful with my very own brand of preconceived notions and prejudice. Regardless, it’s better to be alert instead of finding death prematurely. The TODR list speaks for itself.
It’s a tightrope act – managing to live my life exactly as who I am, whilst at the same time successfully avoiding any situation that could potentially end up with me being cornered by a bunch of trans-phobic guys or even police men who might or might not beat me to death.
One day, I hope alertness like this won’t be necessary anymore. I hope we won’t need memorial lists anymore. Diversity is a gift, a privilege, not a threat. Is it possible for people to someday truly accept each other without judgment?
Most likely not.
But it is a valid dream to have. A goal for all of us to work towards – honoring and speaking for those who can’t speak for themselves anymore – or those who haven’t found the strength to do so yet.
Gender has always been fluid. Some Native American tribes, for example, recognized this fact already long before our time by accepting up to nine different genders in their societies. More widely known amongst most Native American tribes was – and still is – the term “Two-Spirit People”, to describe individuals who find themselves with a soul imprisoned in a wrongly-gendered body.
From own experience I can say being trans is not something you just decide to be one day. It is who I am. It is who I was born as. None of us transgender individuals know why we were born this way. It just happened. It is not anyone’s fault… just a strange deck of cards that has been given… a quirk of nature that occurs far more often than you’ve been led to believe. Only within the last decade have more and more trans and/or gender fluid individuals dared to come forward. Many know from childhood on who they truly are. I’ve known since I was four years old.
And you know what? No one can define who I am. My identity isn’t bound to what is stated in my original birth certificate. I know better. Because this body is my home and I know it intimately because I’ve lived in it for forty-five years already.
Times are changing – albeit slowly. No matter what though, I’ll continue to live life to the fullest, being true to myself and reaching out to make – hopefully – a little bit of difference.
This is for all those who have suffered and left us far too early.
You will never be forgotten.
Today is Transgender Day of Remembrance #TODR. https://tdor.info
Everyone on this list has lost their lives simply for being themselves, for longing to live their lives as who they truly were.
In honor of those who have been taken from us so violently, let me share a positive story with you of how it could be. A story of hope:
“Even though it was still the early days – I’d had only four months of hormone therapy – it was time to announce to the people in my life what had been happening. I couldn’t pretend forever that my voice sounded deeper because of a cold, and I didn’t want to shave off the rapidly growing amount of body hair. It was time to jump into the bottomless ocean and reveal myself.
In the months following my decision to come out, my faith in humanity was restored many times over. Almost all reactions to my revelations were entirely, and sometimes surprisingly, positive. Many of my friends and acquaintances simply smiled a knowing smile when I told them, and confessed they had always taken me for either a hardcore butch or a transgender person. My behavior seemed to have given me away for years. People had known who I was, long before I myself had re-awakened to my identity.
Some reactions towards my disclosure about my real gender and my new name were outright comical. My team at the movie theater consisted of an elderly, conservative Swiss projectionist, as well as elderly Swiss ladies, stout-looking workers from Serbia, and other unique characters. One evening, I asked them all to gather in our small office because I had an important announcement to make. I was sure they would be outraged. I was sweating buckets and my heart raced.
In short, I told them I was actually a man and was going to change my body accordingly. Forthwith, my name would be Liam. Erich, the projectionist, just emitted a deep, rumbling “Hmmm?!” The elderly ladies exclaimed, “You will be such a handsome young man!” and the Serbians unanimously stated, “You are part of our gang. We’ll always have your back”. I was dumbfounded. Half an hour later, Erich passed by my popcorn stand. He stared at me very seriously and after a lengthy pause grumbled, “Couldn’t you have picked an easier name? How am I supposed to remember an odd one like Liam?” He stared at me for a moment longer, then turned abruptly, and walked away with a big grin on his face.
Only three days later, my company informed me of my appointment with the tailor who would change my work uniform into pants, blazer, and tie as soon as possible. I was in heaven.”
(The picture shows me only a few weeks after my tailor appointment.)
Liam Klenk 