Tag Archives: #equality

On Stage with Kurt Aeschbacher at Haebse in Basel

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For a second time, I had the pleasure to be invited as a guest to Kurt Aeschbacher’s talk show. This time not on television but life on stage at the Kulturhaus Haebse in Basel. It’s been – once again – a special honor and precious life experience, whilst at the same time also an opportunity to raise awareness for the transgender community and do something good.

After I published my book ‘Paralian – not just transgender’ in May 2016, I was invited to do many radio and magazine interviews. At the time, I wondered what I would do if I’d ever get approached to be a guest on a talk show.

Because, inevitably, when I watch most talk shows, they feel over the top to me, pretentious, inauthentic, disrespectful, exploitational, and wrong on so many levels.

Except Aeschbacher. He is a Swiss TV legend and hosted his own talk show, unpretentiously called ‘Aeschbacher’ for 30 years on Swiss television. I’ve always loved his shows and the way Kurt Aeschbacher dealt with his guests.

There was a lightness of being and a deep understanding. All at the same time.

There was also true curiosity, compassion, and respect. Kurt always invited four people and focused on each of them for 15 minutes in his 1-hour-long show. He led the interviews with a beautiful, subtle sense of humor, and an enormously big heart.

So, I really dreamt of one day being invited to ‘Aeschbacher.’

And then, all of a sudden, in January 2018, I received a letter from the ‘Aeschbacher’ production team, asking me if I wanted to be a guest in the show.

It was lovely. And the positive impression I had gained of Kurt Aeschbacher from a distance over the years was confirmed. He welcomed us, his four guests of the evening, with open arms at the TV studio. He told us, he didn’t want to discuss the questions with us in detail beforehand so as not to take away the authenticity. But he also said that, should we feel uncomfortable at any time, we could always choose to just not answer a question.

After the show, he approached each of us and asked us if it had been ok, and if we had felt comfortable. And all of us had felt very comfortable indeed.

Fast forward five years from spring of 2018 to now – spring of 2023.

We got back in touch this year and I was delighted to hear that Kurt Aeschbacher had decided to continue his talk show concept live on stage in a theatre in Basel after his TV show had been shut down after its successful 30-year run.

So, it was a no-brainer to say ‘yes’ when Kurt asked me if I wanted to be his guest again. This time for his matinee show ‘Sonntagsgaeste’ (Sunday Guests), which he performs together with artistic director and musician Phil Dankner, who is just as much of a good soul as Kurt.

Thus, last Sunday, on the 16th of April 2023, I found myself on stage again, live, and as always very nervous in sharing a story as personal and intimate as mine. It always feels equivalent to leaning far out of the window on the top floor of a 30-story building.

The overall concept of the talk show was still the same. Yet, far more comfortable somehow, in a stage setting which resembled a cozy living room. 

The conversations between Kurt and his guests were still inspirational, delightful, entertaining, as well as educational.

As I watched the conversations with my co-guests, I learned about moulages. About incredible Ticino architects. And I was inspired by young Swiss singer ‘Elle,’ who I am sure will make all her dreams come true.

I was the last of us 4 guests. 

Kurt and I chatted for 25 minutes about my life, about being transgender, and the challenges of transitioning 30 years ago, when no one was aware yet, and being trans wasn’t discussed on every news and social media channel. 

We also talked about the importance of mutual respect in all of our dealings with each other, no matter if we understand one another’s journey or not.

I believe, Kurt, Phil, and I made a difference that evening. Many audience members shook my hand after the show and thanked me for giving them a better glimpse into a subject they had up until then not really understood.

Thank you, dear Kurt and dear Phil, for creating such a wonderful platform for us, the guests on stage as well as the audience, to learn more about each other and celebrate the diversity of human lives and our life experiences, together.

The Abortion That Never Happened

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With all the discussion about abortions and many people courageously putting themselves out there sharing their personal experiences, I thought I’d share a little tidbit with you as well.

A little over 52 years ago my biological mother lived in Stuttgart and had a boyfriend from Italy. She had just moved out at home and was trying to make it on her own. He was a foreign worker who came from Southern Italy.

Both were 18 years old when they met, and both came from very strict, Christian families. Sex was never talked about in their families, and contraception was definitely a taboo. 

Like any teenagers who are in love, they soon did have sex, yet had no idea what to do to protect each other.

So, they did the best they could come up with, which was that he always tried to pull out before ejaculating… Until… one night, there was a vehicle collision in the intersection where they lived and one of the cars slammed into the wall of their apartment building exactly when my biological dad climaxed and should have pulled out. 

He didn’t, of course, being startled by the deafeningly loud impact of the car which made the entire building shake in its foundations. 

His sperm went its merry way, and I was conceived.

It took my mom ages to realize she was pregnant. When she did, my dad and her both panicked. He ran away to Italy, and she tried to go back home to her parents who promptly disowned her because they wanted nothing to do with a sinner who had sex before marriage.

My biological mom had no choice but to go to the only place back then that would take her: a refuge for pregnant prostitutes, where they were allowed to stay until they gave birth.

Abortion was never discussed. She was never given a choice. And thus the road to disaster was paved.

As soon as my mom gave birth, she was told to leave the shelter. Then the German state took charge and declared her unfit to raise a child due to not having any family support. 

They took me away from her at 3 months old and brought me to an orphanage.

What ensued from there were incredible hardships and struggles for both her and I.

Traumata and pain that never healed on both sides.

So, I ask, what gives anyone the right to tell a young woman who finds herself at a dead end what to do? It is her life and the life of her child which hangs in the balance. It should be no one’s decision but hers.

And adoption is, from own experience, a bit like Russian Roulette. You can get lucky or plunge from one nightmare straight into the next one…

Outlawing abortion is about as far away from being pro-life as I can possibly imagine. It is a blatant violation of human rights.

And no one, especially not a bunch of privileged white males, should ever be allowed to tell women what to do with their bodies.

Whatever

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whatever

I continue to be amused as well as annoyed (and sometimes a bit alarmed) by the endless gender bathroom debates. I am female-to-male transgender. When I was four years old, I knew I was a boy. Being born in a girl’s body, my parents kept sending me to bathrooms assigned to female gender even though I seemed to be more like a boy from an early age. Funnily enough, I kept getting thrown out of women’s bathrooms because the outraged ladies assumed I was a little man who had wandered into their domain either by accident or on purpose.

From my late teens onwards, and after I decided to go for hormone therapy and gender reassignment surgeries to fully become the real me, I always went to where I felt I truly belonged when I needed to relieve myself: to the male bathroom. I have done so ever since.

I transitioned 25 years ago… so I’ve gone to the men’s bathroom in public places hundreds of thousands of times as you can imagine. I’ve shared this space with many other men who were never the wiser that right next to them was someone who had initially been born in a wrongly-gendered body. I’m sure they’re all still fine. None of them have been traumatized. None of them were infected with a trans virus. We crossed each others’ paths. Busy with our lives. Lost in our thoughts. A moment in time.

We’re all human. I am a guy much like many others. Even a bit boring at times. And I don’t need a gender neutral bathroom. To be honest, special bathrooms for people like me remind me too much of “only white”-“only black”-water fountains. We human beings do not need any more segregation. What we need is inclusion, diversity, open-mindedness, and compassion.

So I love this bathroom sign. Exactly. Let’s think centaurs, mermaids, unicorns, aliens, and homo sapiens. Just wash your hands. It doesn’t matter who you are. Be free. Be authentic. Don’t “present”. Be.

I am who I am. I don’t “present” as anything. I strongly disapprove of this expression being so widely used lately by the media and even by trans individuals themselves. No one on this planet “presents” as someone or something. The term in itself already insinuates someone being more of an idea or a concept, instead of a human being. It suggests he, she, or they are making a choice instead of dealing with the cards they have been given, trying to make the best of who they were born to be. Thinking of people “presenting” as their gender dehumanizes them, suggests they need to fulfil certain stereotypes to belong and be accepted.

We don’t need to fulfil anything. Stereotypes are highly overrated. None of us need to tick any boxes to belong or pacify most societies’ stubborn holding-on to the gender binary and other outdated constructs.

I am Liam. You won’t even recognise me as transgender when you meet me. And even if you do, so what. I am simply one more individual in the vast rainbow of humanity, trying as best I can to navigate my existence, be kind, responsible, happy, and fulfilled.

The Sparkling Rainbow of Creation

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LGBT, trans, and whatever shade in between, we’ve always been around. Be it amongst humans or within the plant and animal kingdom. Just another bunch of colors in the sparkling rainbow of creation.

”Oddly, humans are not the only animals that engage in cross-dressing or have transgender identity issues; a lot of animals also have “gender-bender” sex lives… All good and remember to respect all and love everyone for who they truly are. Always.” via  Cute Nopes and https://terriermandotcom.blogspot.ch/2007/05/transexual-and-transgender-wildlife.html?m=1

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Writers Resist

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Beginning of this year, ‘Writers Resist’ events were held all over the world. These readings were to remind ourselves of the importance of human rights, freedom of speech, and mutual respect.
Here in Zurich, on a mid-January evening, we spoke up as well, reading from many different works of literature (including our own) in front of a sincere, spell-bound audience. I’m glad I was able to do my part. Because, as I pointed out in this article by JJ Marsh in ‘The Woolf’: “Kindness, compassion, and freedom of mind are key to our existence.”

writersresist

International author backs Kent transgender student

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Thank you Sean McPolin. I’m glad Lily won this battle. There’ll be many more to come. Some to do with her being trans, others just because challenging us is what life does…
Makes me think of a quote I read the other day, “You’re gonna be happy'” said life, “but first I’ll make you strong.”
All the best to Lily and all of you out there on a quest to come home to yourself. Follow your heart and don’t ever give up.

Sean McPolin

An international author is supporting a Kent transgender student who threatened to sue her school.

Liam Klenk, 45, from Switzerland has offered his support to 18-year-old Lily Madigan, Chatham, after she threatened legal action against a Catholic academy, regarding their policies on transgender students.

Mr Klenk, born female, understood the difficulties Lily has faced at school, and struggles she will face in life.

liam-kLiam Klenk, born Stefanie, lived in Germany as a child.

He said: “Gender dysphoria is not a joke. I myself was struggling with it for many years until I finally transitioned from Stefanie to Liam when I was twenty-three years old.

“A weight as unbearably heavy as the Himalayan mountain range resting on my shoulders finally, amazingly, gave way to the weight of a feather the moment I took steps towards letting myself be the real me.”

The former scuba-diving instructor’s book – “Paralian – Not Just Transgender”

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An Intricate Microcosmos

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2008-liam-on-reef-hook-in-palau

“I often hovered motionless and watched the coral reef for a while, contemplating reef fish behavior. Each organism was busy defending its way of life. Tiny fish would attack divers the moment we ventured too far into their territory. There were all kinds of characters: the camouflaged, the timid, the curious, the bullies, the cowards. Some were defensive, others aggressive. As I watched the busy shuffling and posturing on the reef, I saw an intricate microcosmos, a perfect metaphor of human social life and daily struggles.” (excerpt from Paralian, chapter 24 “Indian Ocean”)

Paralian Won “Best Debut Book”!

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Paralian won its first literary award today. “Best Debut Book” in the 2016 Rainbow Awards!
More info on the awards and all winning categories here: http://reviews-and-ramblings.dreamwidth.org/4932973.html
Big heartfelt thanks to the organisers and judges!
I’m stuck at home with a painful case of pink eye right now. Then snuck a peek at the glaringly bright screen of my laptop this morning against doctor’s orders… As you can imagine, seeing the unexpected winners’ rainbow brightened my day considerably 🙂
Paralian is a heartwarming, inspirational tale for everyone out there wo has ever had to face seemingly insurmountable obstacles or is facing them now. It is an odyssey to remind ourselves of the beauty of our existence. No matter how hard it might get at times, everything is possible.

Lending a Voice

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Annually, on the 20ieth of November we remember those who have been taken from us way too early, but, until we have reached a state of mutual respect and acceptance, every day is Transgender Day of Remembrance…

I was born in Germany in 1971, a little boy in a girl’s body… then transitioned almost twenty years ago, in 1993, in Switzerland. It’s not been easy. Fear, loneliness, depression, and despair were my constant companions, faithfully lurking just around the corner like a bunch of hungry zombies. Facing the challenge of being born in the wrong body was a matter of survival. Leaving things as they were was simply not an option. Today, I can say I am at peace with my circumstances. I like who I am, and am – mostly – at one with myself.

Considering all I’ve been through it comes as a shock to realize I am one of the lucky ones.

Annually, on November 20ieth, during the Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR), we memorialize those who have lost their lives to hate crimes.

https://tdor.info/

When I first came across this long list I literally had to sit down and breathe slow and deeply for a while.

So many killed each year. .. stoned, beaten, bludgeoned, stabbed, and shot to death. And why? Simply because they were being themselves.

The Human Rights Campaign posted a story in April 2016 of a transgender girl and her (very supportive) family. The girl’s mom said, “Imagine spending your life pretending to be someone you aren’t, to try to live to make everyone else in your world happy rather than yourself.”

Yes. Imagine.

Those who kill our transgender peers can’t comprehend, can’t allow the possibility of diversity beyond the scope of what they know to be their reality. They are scared, feel threatened by what they can’t understand. Thus their reactions become as primeval as their fear – leading to senseless violence and death.

In many countries it still isn’t safe and can be fatal to come out openly as transgender. Also, in many countries a large percentage of trans individuals are still homeless and can only find employment in the sex trade. They are perceived as freaks of nature instead of being appreciated as the intriguing, strong, and brave individuals they truly are.

I’ve always been able to live life the way I wanted. I never took no for an answer and managed to live all over the world, working as a movie theater manager, designer, scuba diving instructor, hyperbaric chamber operator, show diver, performer coach, and production manager.

However, I too had to be careful. Depending on where I lived or traveled, I knew I couldn’t let my guard down… On a road trip through the “bible belt” in the United States I kept to myself and never went over the speed limit (– lest a trigger-happy cop decides to pull me over, searches me and discovers I’m not quite a regular guy). In Indonesia I never smoked a joint. What would I do if police strip-searched me in a dark alley, discovering I’m a guy but don’t have a penis? In Macau I took great care to not get caught drunk driving to avoid ending up in prison overnight (standard practice there). In fundamental religious regions I never went to a massage or sauna.

I am fully aware I have to be careful with my very own brand of preconceived notions and prejudice. Regardless, it’s better to be alert instead of finding death prematurely. The TODR list speaks for itself.

It’s a tightrope act – managing to live my life exactly as who I am, whilst at the same time successfully avoiding any situation that could potentially end up with me being cornered by a bunch of trans-phobic guys or even police men who might or might not beat me to death.

One day, I hope alertness like this won’t be necessary anymore. I hope we won’t need memorial lists anymore. Diversity is a gift, a privilege, not a threat. Is it possible for people to someday truly accept each other without judgment?

Most likely not.

But it is a valid dream to have. A goal for all of us to work towards – honoring and speaking for those who can’t speak for themselves anymore – or those who haven’t found the strength to do so yet.

Gender has always been fluid. Some Native American tribes, for example, recognized this fact already long before our time by accepting up to nine different genders in their societies. More widely known amongst most Native American tribes was – and still is – the term “Two-Spirit People”, to describe individuals who find themselves with a soul imprisoned in a wrongly-gendered body.

From own experience I can say being trans is not something you just decide to be one day. It is who I am. It is who I was born as. None of us transgender individuals know why we were born this way. It just happened. It is not anyone’s fault… just a strange deck of cards that has been given… a quirk of nature that occurs far more often than you’ve been led to believe. Only within the last decade have more and more trans and/or gender fluid individuals dared to come forward. Many know from childhood on who they truly are. I’ve known since I was four years old.

And you know what? No one can define who I am. My identity isn’t bound to what is stated in my original birth certificate. I know better. Because this body is my home and I know it intimately because I’ve lived in it for forty-five years already.

Times are changing – albeit slowly. No matter what though, I’ll continue to live life to the fullest, being true to myself and reaching out to make – hopefully – a little bit of difference.

This is for all those who have suffered and left us far too early.

You will never be forgotten.

A Story of Hope

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1997-at-metropol

Today is Transgender Day of Remembrance #TODR. https://tdor.info
Everyone on this list has lost their lives simply for being themselves, for longing to live their lives as who they truly were.
In honor of those who have been taken from us so violently, let me share a positive story with you of how it could be. A story of hope:

“Even though it was still the early days – I’d had only four months of hormone therapy – it was time to announce to the people in my life what had been happening. I couldn’t pretend forever that my voice sounded deeper because of a cold, and I didn’t want to shave off the rapidly growing amount of body hair. It was time to jump into the bottomless ocean and reveal myself.

In the months following my decision to come out, my faith in humanity was restored many times over. Almost all reactions to my revelations were entirely, and sometimes surprisingly, positive. Many of my friends and acquaintances simply smiled a knowing smile when I told them, and confessed they had always taken me for either a hardcore butch or a transgender person. My behavior seemed to have given me away for years. People had known who I was, long before I myself had re-awakened to my identity.

Some reactions towards my disclosure about my real gender and my new name were outright comical. My team at the movie theater consisted of an elderly, conservative Swiss projectionist, as well as elderly Swiss ladies, stout-looking workers from Serbia, and other unique characters. One evening, I asked them all to gather in our small office because I had an important announcement to make. I was sure they would be outraged. I was sweating buckets and my heart raced.

In short, I told them I was actually a man and was going to change my body accordingly. Forthwith, my name would be Liam. Erich, the projectionist, just emitted a deep, rumbling “Hmmm?!” The elderly ladies exclaimed, “You will be such a handsome young man!” and the Serbians unanimously stated, “You are part of our gang. We’ll always have your back”. I was dumbfounded. Half an hour later, Erich passed by my popcorn stand. He stared at me very seriously and after a lengthy pause grumbled, “Couldn’t you have picked an easier name? How am I supposed to remember an odd one like Liam?” He stared at me for a moment longer, then turned abruptly, and walked away with a big grin on his face.

Only three days later, my company informed me of my appointment with the tailor who would change my work uniform into pants, blazer, and tie as soon as possible. I was in heaven.”

(The picture shows me only a few weeks after my tailor appointment.)